In this second part of our article we will be examining how to fix couple issues with the help of cognitive behavioral therapy.
Love is one of the most important driving forces of couples in supporting each other, helping each other, happiness and perhaps forming a family. Personal characteristics and skills are the most important determinants for the continuation and development of the relationship. The personal characteristics that are decisive for a happy relationship are: loyalty, sensitivity, generosity, respect, commitment, responsibility and reliability. Spouses need to cooperate with each other, to reach conciliation decisions and to implement them together. Spouses must be flexible accepting and forgiving to each other. They should be tolerant of their mistakes, deficiencies and characteristics. As these traits feed over time, the relationship develops and matures.
Fixing Issues With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Research has shown us that problematic couples can learn to correct their miscommunication with structured programs. They can detect the signals of their spouses more accurately and appropriately by fixing problems that block their communication. Couples benefit greatly when they are educated about the dynamics of the relationship. And thats; how to make decisions together, understand each other’s needs and the issues they are sensitive to, and how they can enjoy each other more.
The same program may be useful in non-problem marriages. Also for couples who live together or plan to get married. When examining your relationship, it is a good idea to consider your intended goals in marriage and think about how to best achieve them.
When couples in tension try to improve their relationship, if they fail, they often fall into intimidation and demoralize. In such cases, you should keep in mind that maybe you lack the ability to solve that problem at the time.
- They should understand that the first step in overcoming the difficulties of the spouses is not the result of a misunderstanding and misinterpretation, but rather a basic conflict.
- What we call a misunderstanding often occurs with one’s own active contribution. This means that the spouses see each other by distorting each other in a way that is not true. This distortion causes the spouses to misunderstand each other’s words and look for unpleasant reasons that they attribute to them. Spouses believe that they know each other thay they don’t check each others’ mistakes. Therefore, they do not think much about how open and healthy their communication is.
- Both partners should take full responsibility for the improvement of the relationship. You must choose one of the options in front of you and only you can do so. It is up to you to choose to use the information you have acquired to make yourself and your partner happier.
- If the spouses adopt the “no error, no blame” attitude in the relationship between them, this will help them greatly. This approach allows you to focus on the real problem and solve them easily.
- Keep in mind that some of your partner’s actions can be better explained by some of his negative tendencies. (selfishness, vindictiveness, trying to control his environment), but not by self-preservation or by avoiding abandonment.
Therapy can eliminate common causes of intimidation and interfere with your mutual understanding of the solution of your problems. Because understanding what matters is bothering you and your partner removes the barriers to your relationship becoming richer.
Many couples seem to just listen to each other; but they don’t actually listen! They don’t actually hear each other’s words. Good listening skills are only possible if the couples really understand each other’s words clearly and . Here are the 5 principles of good listening:
- Listen carefully: Keep a good eye relationship with your partner and make him understand that you are listening.
- Don’t interrupt: If you can’t hear the other person talking.
- Clarify what you hear: At the end of a sentence or speech, summarize what you understand or say to your partner. This will help you get the right message. It is also important that you accept something if you do not understand it.
- Reflect what you hear: This is different from clarification. Reflection is to show your partner that you are aware of or understand his / her feelings. It is basically keeping your partner a mirror so that he or she can see what he says.
- Summarizing: Both spouses should always summarize the conversations of the other person so that what they say is clear and there is nothing unclear. Summarizing always keeps channels open for constructive communication.
If you try to understand and feel the listener’s condition while talking to your partner, he or she can better understand your message. The following rules reflect some of the experiences you may have in helping you express yourself better.
- Speak carefully: Just as the listener, the speaker should speak in the same way, maintaining proper eye contact, looking at the body language (face-movements), indicating that the other person is listening.
- Asking meaningful questions: The best way to make a conversation short and inefficient is to ask the other person questions that will be answered “yes” to “no”. Instead, ask your partner questions to help you understand her better.
- Do not speak excessively: Talk about the full topic; Do not drown in detail when describing an event or reaction. This kind of conversation will give your partner a chance to ask questions and make reflections to clarify what you say.
- Accept silence: Sometimes the best way to emphasize a point is to shut up for a while after speaking. This allows both you and the audience to process.
- Do not cross check: Do not repeatedly ask questions to learn something from your partner during a conversation. The use of tactics and diplomacy respects and makes it easier to learn what you want to learn than questioning.
Find out more about cognitive behavioral therapy and its benefits here.
Last Updated on November 1, 2020 by Marilyn Walker