What is Mistrust/Abuse Schema?
- If you have this schema, you expect people to hurt you, cheat on you or scam you. You have no doubt that potentionally everyone is intentially want to hurt you.
- Even if you have very little evidence, you think that other people are using you and somehow taking advantage of you.
- You often feel more desperate than other people.
- You may find it difficult to enjoy sexuality. This sounds like a necessity to you, or you can’t be satisfied.
- You can easily submit to other people because of fear.
- You can allow other people to use you; because you think it’s better than being alone.
- You are reluctant to give out your personal information because you think people will use it against you.
- Even if you don’t show it, you may have a sadistic and cruel side.
What causes Mistrust Schema ?
You may have developed this schema if you have encountered harassing attitudes of your parents at an early age. You may also have taken the model of thinking of your skeptical parents. Clinical observations suggest that mother / father attitude may also be effective in developing a mistrust schema. If you have Mistrust Schema, you may have similar experiences:
- You were subjected to physical violence in your family as a child. Someone in your family sexually harassed you
- Someone in your family insulted you
- You can’t trust your family. (They shook your confidence, used your weaknesses for their own benefit, didn’t keep their promises, or lied to you.)
- Someone in your family enjoyed seeing you suffer.
- As a child, you were forced to do things with the threat of severe punishment.
- One of your parents warned you not to trust anyone outside the family.
- Your family was against you.
- One of your parents contacted you in inappropriate and uncomfortable ways for physical comfort.
- People put disturbing names on you; You’ve been ridiculed.
The concept of Schema Chemistry refers to the reflection of the sustaining properties of schemas (basic spiritual structures) on our relationships. Accordingly, people who are suitable for our schema, even if they affect our lives may be more attractive.
If you have this schema, people who may be in constant suspicion may be more attractive to you (schema chemistry). Similarly, you can stay with people who use you; because deep down you’re convinced that this is a situation you deserve.
If you have a Mistrust Schema, your partner is likely to have the following characteristics:
- He humiliates you in front of your friends and families.
- Constantly insults you, makes you feel worthless. Doesn’t respect your needs.
- He does everything he can, including lying and cheating to get what he wants. Sadistic and ruthless – he likes to see you or other people suffer.
- He hits or threatens you when you don’t do what he wants. It forces you to have sex even when you don’t want to.
- Using your weaknesses to advantage.
- He/She’s cheating on you.
- Inconsistent, taking advantage of your generosity.
- The most important point here is that despite all these negative attitudes, it is very difficult for you to break up with it.
Reflection of the Mistrust Schema to Your Relationship
Since the essence of the mistrust schema is that people and especially close persons can behave maliciously at any time, the effect of this schema on relationships is evident. The most important problem is that you feel lack of trust, which is the basic sense of a healthy relationship. If you have this schema, you feel that your partner is using you and you get very angry. You always think about what your partner is up to. In this case, your partner may accuse you of being paranoid. You can try to prevent you from being deceived by giving extreme jealous reactions. This can get tired of your partner over time and away from you; your relationship and you. You cannot be comfortable with your partner; because you can always try to avoid trumps. Therefore, you and your partner cannot have the most basic feelings expected of a relationship.
Treatment of Mistrust/Abuse Schema
The main goal in the therapy is to help you accept that you can trust people and you shoud avoid abusive people. Once your scheme is improved, you can manage to distinguish between trustworthy people and untrustworthy. You have the courage to open yourself and take risks; This way you can develop a more high-end and reliable friendship relationship. You realize that you are carrying your childhood into your present life and you stay away from it.